My Atheism

 Officially, I have been an atheist since my early 20's. I grew up in a Christian house hold, my Mother took us to church every Sunday, we sang in the choir and went to bible study during the week. My Mother did not have any of us baptized, she felt baptism was more meaningful if it was done as a teenager with acceptance and intent, rather than being forced on an infant. I was the first and only of her children to refuse to be baptized, she was disappointed in me and asked me to reconsider, but she abide by my decision and never said another word to me about it.

I bring this up because recently online I was told "You were never a true Christian!", and I had to agree with the person making the statement. I think even at a very young age, I knew the god concept was incorrect. I remember one Sunday morning in Church School, the instructor was telling us about Noah's ark and at the end they had us draw pictures about the story. I drew a picture of Superman saving innocent people from drowning in the flood and taking them to another planet where they would be safe. When asked about it, I said Superman would never let people die if he could do something about it. I could not have been older than 8 at the time and even then, I understood that mass murder was morally reprehensible.

I hear stories from other atheists about how difficult their deconversions were, how they struggled to let go of these life long deeply held beliefs. It was not like that for me, I am not going to say it was an overnight experience, it took a few years, but it was not at all a difficult transition for me. I think it started in Bible Study, the Minister challenged us to read the Bible over the summer. He knew damn good and well we wouldn't. What he didn't understand was, I can and will read anything. This was the beginning of the end.

When the Bible is spoon fed to you, it is easy to make it all sound just the way they want it to sound. It is easy to gloss over contradictions, by talking about those things months or years apart, so no one questions them. It is easy to lift those passages out of the original context and add your own meaning to it. But when you read the whole thing yourself and the Bible itself is its own context, it becomes very clear, or it should become clear that these stories were told by bronze age people trying to make some sort of sense about the world they lived in. It is much easier to see contradictions, when you are reading a passage and realize this contradicts a passage I read a couple of days ago.

Thou shalt not kill. —Exodus 20:13

Thus sayeth the Lord God of Israel, Put every man his sword by his side. and slay every man his brother…companion…neighbor. —Exodus 32:27

and

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord. —Proverbs 12:22

The Lord hath put a lying spirit in the mouth of all these thy prophets, and the Lord hath spoken evil concerning thee. —I Kings 22:23

 and

Jehoiachin was eighteen years old when he began to reign, and he reigned in Jerusalem three months. —2 Kings 24:8

Jehoiachin was eight years old when he began to reign, and he reigned three months and ten days in Jerusalem… —2 Chronicles 36:9  

These are just the contradictions I remember off the top of my head, there were dozens more. Added in to that mix, there were passages that simply do not comport with reality as we know it today. in Genesis 1, God created the Earth, Genesis 2 says he created Light. This is not how planets are formed, the stars always come first. Over the last hundred years, we have watched many stars form and planetary objects forming around them. In none of these instances has a planet appeared first and then a star. The Bible also speaks about firmament, a dome that covers the Earth, we have put satellites into orbit, we have been to the Moon, we have sent drones to mars and we know for a fact the earth is not flat and is not shrouded in a firmament dome.

Anyway, after reading the Bible, I became an agnostic theist. I still believed there was a supreme being, but I no longer claimed to know what said supreme being was. It was at this point, I stopped going to bible study and refused to be baptized. I often wonder if that minister regrets challenging me to read the Bible. Just a few years later, I simply stopped pretending. So yes, I was never a true Christian, I think even as I child I recognized that god does not exist and we are all just pretending that he does.