Election cycle fun

Carnifex.org proudly announces its endorsement for the Republican Presidential Candidate. Now I realize some of you will think me choosing a Republican Presidential Candidate is a bit like a gay man judging womens breasts, but I assure you I have considered this subject long and hard. Before I make my announcement however, I would like to cover the four candidates.

Ron Paul: Has the least chance of winning and I think the only reason he actually runs is it allows him to raise enormous amounts of money without having to leave Washington DC except to attend a couple debates. He has many passionate followers, however very few mainstream Republicans take him seriously.

Newt Gingrich: True conservatives do like this man. He is reasonably smart and well spoken, he is one of the originators of the the failed “Contract with America”. His major problem is he is a douche bag and pretty much everyone knows it. Seriously, if they ran him the Republican party would implode as President Obama became the “Family Values” candidate. The Democratic Super PACs would eat him for lunch.

Rick Santorum: This guy is the underdog. He is actually doing well, but really has little chance of getting the nomination, but he could squeak out a win. He plays  well with the evangelicals and other social conservatives and fiscal conservatives don’t hate him, but independents don’t care for him at all.

Mitt Romney: Mitt is what currently passes for a front runner. It is a good chance he will pick up the nomination this spring sometime and if there is a brokered convention, he will most assuredly become the nominee. Fiscal conservatives love him, he is “One Percenter” all the way, he is one of them and they can safely assume he will continue the Bush War Doctrine on the poor and middle class. Independents sort of like him because even if he makes a policy statement you don’t like, give him 24 hours and he will change it. Social conservatives however do not care for him, he has in the past supported way too many SocialistAthiestLiberalPinkoCommieACORNGay issues to be trusted.


My endorsement goes to … You guessed it Rick Santorum. Yes of all the candidates who are running to loose against President Obama, I believe former Senator Santorum has the best chance of winning in the primary while spectacularly crashing and burning in the general election. His complete rejection of reality based science will endear him to the IQ under 90 crowd and make for some interesting debate moments and his religious beliefs will insure he looses virtually all the independent womens vote. I almost went for Ron Paul, because the President could have phoned in the campaign and still won by 8-10%, however I don’t think it would have made for an interesting run, the President should have to work a little bit to win and in doing so will ensure a double digit landslide win for the President with Santorum getting no electoral votes outside the south, loosing even his home state.

My prediction for this election cycle are:

  • Romney wins the Republican nomination in late spring, there will be no brokered convention.
  • The campaign season will be boring with no real question about who is going to win.
  • President Obama will win a second term, probably with a double digit lead.
  • The Republicans will keep the House of Representatives, but loose seats.
  • The Democratic Party will retain the Senate and will gain seats, but will not achieve a super majority.

Please note, these predictions are my gut telling me how this is going down, I have looked at no polling data or listen to talk radio or watched breathless pundits talk about how close the race will be. This is simply my best guess based on my one perception of reality.


  1. I nominate Robin Williams.

  2. None of the canidates are worthy on either side. Jack Reed is a better write in canidate. He could do better even as a dead communist.

  3. besides, if a gay man can do a very good job as a cothing designer then he would certainly know good breasts!

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